#Keepingitreal, Breathe In The Moment, Image, Inspiration, Journal Journey, Journey, Keeping It Real, Life, Update

One Day Life Is The Same, Yet One Day So Different

Credit: Homelifeandencouragement.com

This is what sums up my 2020 this past year.

“Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different …”

C.S. Lewis

When I look back at how my year went, it was twisted, molded, and turned inside out. Do you ever have times like this in your life?

My year abruptly changed when one day when my daughter and I were driving down the road and she said, “Mom, what if you got a job where I work?”

I wasn’t actively looking for a job, but instead spent years praying for God to open up the opportunity and the timing for this to occur.

So, I ran with it. I pulled over in a parking lot space and texted my daughter’s job and requested an opportunity to pick up an application, which I did when I took her to work a couple of hours later. Within two weeks, I was working at the same place.

God opened up a position in the time I was waiting for my background checks to come back and when I began, I walked into a perfect job which God had created “just for me”.

This time a year ago, I had no idea my life was going to change as much as it has, but I am so thankful for the changes that have occurred.

After 21 years of being a stay at home mom, I am now a working mom. It was challenging and remains to be, as I am still adjusting to how to work and keep up with all of my other responsibilities.

My blog was an area that I let slide, with minimal posts, but it has bothered me.

I love talking about life and encouraging others to live their best life, so with this being said, it is my desire to bring this back to life. It may not look like it did before I had a job, but it is my prayer that I will be able to jot down some notes or share encouraging images with you on a regular basis.

So, with the year’s worth of twists and turns, I can now look back and see the growth I made last year, but could not see it while I was going through it.

Has this happened to you? What area of growth has taken place in your life and you didn’t see happen until you took the time to look back and you can see it now?

Leave your comments below, as well as any tricks to managing working and keeping up with your family and life. I can use any advice you have learned along the way.

As I close this out, I want to again express my greatest appreciation for those of you who have continued to follow me through my years of actively blogging and my times of silence. I do not take this for granted.

Have a wonderful day, My Friend!!

#Findingyourcourage, #Keepingitreal, Anxiety, Breathe, Challenge, Courage, Depression, Discouraged, Exhausted, Grief, Journey, Life, Medical Journey, pain, Rawness, Real, Storms, Stress, Trials, Update, Weariness

Rest, Breathe, Repeat

Credit: Home. Life. Encouragement

Update To Previous Blog Post / “Living My Real”

I’m not sure about you, but I for one, am thankful for the weekend to finally arrive.

While we still have no resolution to if my daughter will have her health insurance come Monday morning, (see my post, “Living My Real” if you are unsure what I am referring to), I have to accept I have no control over the outcome over this stressful situation.

We have done everything we needed to do. We faxed the paperwork to them, not just once, but twice. We faxed their information Wednesday night and again Friday morning.

Now we have to “just” sit and wait and pray when we check her insurance Monday morning we will see nothing has changed. We will see she is still covered like she has been her whole life.

After being consumed by all of this, I had a realization yesterday while I was in my back yard. God revealed to me, no matter how difficult life may be, His beauty is still around us.

Credit: Home. Life. Encouragement

He revealed to me, as I was pruning my roses, that no matter how beautiful life may be, there will always be the thorns in our lives. The thorns keep us alert, but they aren’t meant to consume us. The beauty of the bountiful roses is what we are meant to see.

Many times the beauty is hard to see, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

Are you too, going through a difficult time? Have you forgot what it was like to just “breathe” because your circumstances are all consuming?

Today I have a challenge for both of us. I want you to breathe and open your eyes up to the beauty that surrounds you.

I know so many are experiencing a quarantined life, but I want you to go outside and do something that brings you peace.

Is this the sound of the ocean water and seagulls in the background or the quietness of a hike in the woods?

Is it a quiet walk or a relaxing bike ride?

It doesn’t matter what you do, but I would suggest just going outside, breathe in the fresh air, and just open your heart to God will do wonders to restore your heart and your soul.

Share with Him your need to release this stress and allow Him to replace that stress with a peace that only He can give.

My friend, take some time this weekend to Rest, Breathe, and Repeat.

Holiday, Journal Journey, Journey, Life, Parenting, Update, Weariness

The Mother of Many Tasks

Journaling Journey 

It has been a busy past two weeks. I found myself lost in the physical day to day and did not take the time to process any thoughts I may have had along the way. 

I found myself not only being a nurse but found myself also being a motivator and a teacher again. My Kiddo found herself up against a rock and a hard place in trying to meet important deadlines to finish her college classes from where she fell behind while experiencing the hardship of her two-month-long migraine and then finding herself extremely sick with this ugly month long cold. 

I tried to encourage her that she was stronger than she thought she was and to help her to see the confidence I had in her, for herself. I helped to read some of the work to her, as the magnitude of reading she had to do was intense and a migraine now just was not something that could happen. It could not, it was not an option. 

I found myself being a  “nurse” to my daughter again because she is going on four weeks of being sick with an ugly cold and now my husband, who lost the entire week of work last week, has it as well. 

Her cold took a significant turn for the worse over the long Thanksgiving Holiday and so that set her back in her classes by a few more days as well. It is hard to focus on homework when you have a sinus infection, pink eye, strep throat, and laryngitis. 

Thankfully because she communicated with her professors along the way, they were more than accommodating, and so I, as her mom. was extremely thankful. 

This is a side note, I am a happy Mom now, as she just told me as I was writing this, that she just submitted the final project to one of her classes thus officially completing another class for this semester. Now she will have more time to work aggressively to finish up another one due this week. 

Next weekend will officially begin our “joyous” holiday season. The stress of classes will be behind us and the fun part of Christmas can begin. We can start our Christmas shopping, baking, and movie watching and even more so when the school she works at shuts down for the Holiday.

I know between her being sick and stressed out, it is hard to have my Holiday cheer completely intact. It is hard to find the time to bake my goodies and shop for presents or make homemade gifts, when we are running back and forth to doctor appointments, taking her to work as well as running errands. 

Thankfully I was able to get the house decorated inside and outside, so our home is festive, but the emotional joy of the season has been on hold and will continue to be until Friday. 

We have declared next Monday as our day of celebration. We have set a goal for completion as all her classes have to be done and turned in between now and Friday. I feel that we can celebrate together, since I bore a lot of the stress of her being sick and behind this semester. 

Between the tears that have been shed for the intense physical pain (that almost hospitalized her) and the anxiety of being behind in her classes, we have earned the right to celebrate together. 

It is my hope and desire this week will be a bit easier on us. I seriously need my family to get well again. Especially since now they have successfully shared this crummy cold mess with me. I do not have the time or energy to be sick as well. I am just praying that if I continue to have the mind over matter philosophy to this that it will go away quickly. I am trying very hard to not recognize it and if I do not, then it won’t get as bad as it is trying to do.  

With all of this being said, I need to complete my thoughts and get to work on a couple of orders we have for our business (@HL&E Designs). I am carrying a huge burden to get them done and delivered to their respective customers.  

Thank you for patiently reading my journaling journey of random thoughts. It truly does help to release what I am thinking through writing my words down in a safe place. 

It is my hope and prayer your week is a pleasent one and that you too are able to find some Christmas joy in your heart.  

Until I write again…  Have a calm and refreshing day. 

Journal Journey, Journey, Life, Rawness, Update

Is It Monday, Again?

Journaling Journey

Random Thoughts of Monday

It is Monday again and not just an ordinary Monday, but the one following Thanksgiving. I find myself left with the question of, “already?” It does not seem possible the Holidays are back again already. 

I lost track of time in writing from the last time I wrote because I did, in fact, paint the trim in my freshly painted house. 

Despite the post I wrote a time or two back, I knew it needed to be done despite any resistance that I could have been met with, but in the end, painting the trim was thankfully met with appreciation instead.  It truly freshened up the look of our house and helped to transform our house back into a home again.  

My daughter is completely happy with the updated look and this makes me happy. I know she is older, but I want our home to always be a place of comfort, safety, and love.

In all of this downtime between the last time I wrote and today, I pulled off getting my house updated and fresh again. We celebrated my daughter’s twenty-first birthday, celebrated Thanksgiving, and I transformed our home into a Christmas Wonderland for another year. 

When I decorate our house this means our living room, dining room, kitchen, and family room. Every room takes on a Christmas look in some fashion or another.  

It took me several days of decorating so I started the day before Thanksgiving because I love having our dining room decorated for our Thanksgiving meal. We have a Soldier Christmas Tree in that room. We first decorated that tree eight years ago when my husband was deployed and I wanted a special tree to serve as a visual reminder of all of our Soldiers who would not be home for the holidays. We have dark brown Christmas ornaments on that tree to serve as a reminder of them being in Iraq that year. 

I keep this tradition alive even today because although my husband is no longer a Soldier in the Army, there are many other Service members who are not home for the Holidays because they are away Serving our Country. 

I decorate our family room in blue lights because we still, to this day, use a four-foot tabletop tree we used in our apartment foyer when we lived in Germany. We bring those decorations out every year to serve as a reminder of the first few years we were married and stationed so far away from home. 

As for the rest of the house, it is game on for tradition. The kitchen is decorated with a simplistic look and our living room is decorated with a traditional Christmas look mixed in with a little bit of European. We have our large family tree in the living room and it is decorated with all our special ornaments. Lastly, I bring out our German Nutcrackers and spread them throughout the room which completes the decorated space.

This year I had an agenda to get my decorating done by this past weekend. I needed it done so I could get back into focusing on life again.

What I have failed to mention is that my Kiddo is sick again. She picked up a cold a couple of weeks ago and we thought she was going to be able to fight it, but just when we let our guard down because she was feeling better, it came back with a vengeance.

Now she is really sick and unfortunately, it is with everything she does not have the immunity to fight on her own. I took her to the doctor and she was diagnosed with strep throat, pink eye, laryngitis, and inflamed sinuses.

He decided with everything she had to give her an antibiotic to prevent this from getting worse, but here we are and it is Monday, and she feels even worse. The only thing that is better is her pink eye. 

So now I sit here writing and waiting for the doctor’s office to call me back with some direction in what to do with all of this. 

This is why I needed our Christmas decorations up so when sickness consumed our time again, I would have the creature comforts of home for the holidays done and not have the stress of decorating hanging over my heard adding even more stress to my plate. 

Not many people understand what our life entails with sickness always being at the forefront of our life, but it, unfortunately, is our reality. 

There are so many days that I live in frustration, such as today. I do not know what to do to make my daughter feel better. I know she needs to get her lessons in college done as the semester is going to come to a close quickly. She needs to get back to campus to enroll in the next semester’s worth of classes, which she was going to do this week, but with this crud hanging over her head and her not feeling good and not able to talk yet, I do not know if she will get there this week or not. 

This is the unpredictability of our life. It is a hard way to live and one I get so frustrated with living with. Between this poor kid’s migraines and immune deficiency running her life, everything we do is just put on hold. 

She does not have control over any of this and I know this. I try to be as supportive as I know how to be. It just breaks my heart to see her struggling so much. 

I had a picture pop up on my computer from a few years ago and I find myself missing those days so much. I find when I look at pictures of her now I can see in her face and in her eyes when her health took the turn it did. I do not know what God’s purpose in any of this is or how long she will have to struggle and suffer, but it is my constant prayer, He will bless her in a mighty way for all of it. 

In closing, I want you to know I am still here and it is my Christmas hope and prayer to be able to encourage you as we travel into this Christmas Season. 

This blog post took me all day to write as I wrote it in increments, but I am going to still post it even though it is the end of the day. It is just symbolic of how my day flow. Some days go smoothly and some are just getting through one interruption after another. You can clearly tell what kind of day today was for me.

I hope you had a good Monday. I hope it was one of productivity. It is my prayer for you that your week will go smoothly and you will accomplish many things.

Have a great week!

Chronic Migraines, Journal Journey, Journey, Update

A Summary of Where My Journaling Journey Begins

design-21Let me begin my Journaling Journey by providing you with an update of what my sweet daughter’s medical journey has been like.

When my daughter was 13 she began complaining frequently about having headaches. I dismissed them initially by simply telling her to take some Tylenol if it hurt bad enough for medicine.

Then by the time she was 14, she started complaining about them becoming more intense. This was when my alarm bells began to ring that this has become a bigger problem, but it was just her head. What does anyone do for a headache but to treat it at home and do your best to beat it?

As time wore on, I also began to see her spring and fall allergies become more than just seasonal. She seemed to need allergy medicine more often than just the occasional times. Why? At that time it was anyone’s guess.

Fast forward to 16 years old, now she has headaches multiple times a week and has migraines multiple times a month. Why? It is still anyone’s guess.

I saw her struggling, but did not know why. At this point, she began getting more and more strep throats and sinus infections. So many more that her primary care doctor suggested I take her to an ENT (Ear Nose and Throat Specialist) which I did.

design11He agreed she had a problem but needed to run some tests to determine what might be causing this issue. He removed her adenoids hoping this was the problem and her infections would clear up. He also suggested doing an allergy test to determine what she was actually allergic to so we could narrow down how to properly address her allergy symptoms. The results of this were crazy. She came back allergic to just about everything you could be allergic to environmentally. Why? We do not know.

Shortly after doing the allergy testing she started doing weekly allergy shots, which only continued to make her sicker, but we were told it would only get better and to continue doing them because it was in her best interest.

After almost a year, she only got worse, her sinus infections were not only significant but they never went away. At this point, we were sent to expert ENT with this hopes of figuring out what was going on. This led to the completion of allergy shots and led us to a less than satisfactory doctor experience. I ended up removing her from his care, which for her was not soon enough.

Unfortunately, she did need another ENT and with the quickness because she became a “frequent flyer” to our local Urgent Care and they thankfully referred us to who she still sees today.

This doctor has been amazing. He sent us to her Allergist she is presently seeing, who through determination, stumbled on her Immune Deficiency which she was born with. It finally shed light on why she could not get rid of her strep throats and sinus infections and why when she was a baby she had five cases of pneumonia. It all made sense, but what do we do with this information? This we are still working on. This diagnosis, for some reason, had begun to get worse, and now they would like for her to take Immune Replacement Therapy in order to build up her immune system which is fighting against her. This journey will be difficult as we have already been told, the insurance company will most likely refuse this treatment because it is too expensive. This is a fight both the allergist and we are prepared to fight. I am sure I will be writing about this experience as we begin this journey, as I am prepared for it to be a rocky one at best.

So jump ahead to where we are presently and this is with my child fighting her own body, day in and day out. She battles herself with relentless and chronic migraines, an immune system that does not retain the virus’ information it comes in contact with, and her constant sinus infections as a result.

Why does she have to go through this, I do not know. I wish I did.

So the long and short of all of this is… does she have a serious disease such as cancer or something else equally dangerous, no? This I am thankful for, but yet I sit here having watched her struggle for four long hard years now and we still do not really have any concrete answers as to why or where this came from, minus her Immune Deficiency.

B95A8528-455C-4B1A-89D0-5FF7769D5299We do not know why her body fights against itself with these debilitating migraines. We do not know why they are resistant to treatment methods (and yes, we are at the top there too. She sees a top of a line Migraine Specialist) who has taken her to just about every method of treatment there is. She does Botox every twelve weeks, she just started this new migraine medicine called Aimoveg, and just yesterday had a second round of Nerve Blockers (but he was more aggressive with them as this migraine is just relentless). If this does not work then she could be in the hospital as early as next week to fight this migraine with medicine that can only be administered via a hospital environment.

So in closing, this is what my sweet daughter has fought through for the past four years, she has fought and continues to fight to gain her life back. There have been way too many difficult days she has endured. She has had several surgeries since this started, all of which she needed, and she still battles her body every day.

As a mom, it tears my heart into tiny little pieces and there is nothing I can physically do to make any of this better. The only thing I know to do is to stand by her side at every appointment and stay up with her at night when she is sick and in massive pain, and just keep praying over her mind, body, and spirit every day.

Now I have given you a summary of where this journey for her began, now it should make better sense as I journal my way through the days, weeks, months, and years ahead. There will be days of frustration, sadness, joyous occasions to celebrate, (I hope), and times of what we call dark humor (which we have come to use as a survival technique to find our way through the many dark days we experience).

I am unaware of how many times a day I could journal about this or if I will write every day, but to know I have an outlet to come to is an encouragement to me. I am looking forward to just having an outlet to put my thoughts, questions, and fears without feeling like I am burdening my friends again and again.

It is my prayer and desire that this journey we are on might bring encouragement to other families who struggle with their own problems, that they know the struggles are real and you do not have to be alone. We are here to walk along beside you.

Now my Journaling Journey will begin.

Next stop, allergy shots again tomorrow and we continue to wait and see what the nerve block will do for this stubborn migraine cycle.

Evacuations, Journey, Life, Pet Safety, Storms, Update

Preparing Your Pets For Storms

Florence Update

As I sit back and reflect on Hurricane Florence, I am happy to announce our region narrowly escaped this catastrophic storm. It breaks my heart that many millions of people did not. My thoughts and prayers continue to go out to them.

As I reflect back on our experience with this storm I want to share how these storms emotionally affect our pets and how you can prepare them as well.

Many times we get focused on preparing for the storm, myself included, that we do not take the time to see how this is affecting them. They do not understand what is going on, but they know in their animal world that something is not normal.

Shadow is snuggling with his favorite basketball which he saved from the approaching storm.

My cat and dog stopped eating a week ago, but I did not know why. They did finally eat again for the first time last night. The day before the storm was expected to arrive was unsettling. When I would take Shadow outside to go to the bathroom, he would look up to the sky, put his ears back, and look at me with concern in his eyes. He did this several times and it was unexpected to see at the time, but I suspected he understood something was going on. When I told him it was time to go inside, he ran off, grabbed his favorite ball to bring it in the house because he knew he was not leaving it outside.

Grady, just being Grady.

The night the storm was to come in I was woken by our cat who was desperately crying, but I did not know why. I got up to check on him to be sure he was safe but found nothing was wrong. When I went back to bed he jumped onto the bed and snuggled with me, which he used to do before we adopted Shadow 2 years ago. Shadow sleeps in our room which disturbs Grady, until the other night. I am convinced he knew something was wrong, but may not have known what it was. In the end, he reached out to me for comfort.

It was not until last night when I realized they both were experiencing stress-induced diarrhea which was triggered by the storm. It breaks my heart as I now put various signs together to see how this storm affected them both.

I feel bad for Shadow because I was able to get him anxiety medication for if we were to evacuate, but never thought about how staying home would have affected him. Now I see all the signs as a whole and I wish I had given him this medicine to keep his anxiety under control even though we stayed at home.

To the people who find themselves in weather-related events or crisis, do not forget to add your pets into your planning phase. If you are able to reach out to your Veterinarian, ask them for medication to help with weather-induced anxiety.

If you do not have an accommodating veterinarian, go to your local pet store and invest in anxiety relief for your animals. They will need them, especially if your pets are smart or they are emotionally close to you. They feel those emotions and these conditions will contribute to their stress factors as the storm approaches.

My last advice to assist your pets through a storm is to “never” leave them behind. They look to you for help, protection, and love. They are scared and confused even if you do not see it or they do not display it. My very intelligent German Shepherd showed physical signs in the storm which I did not see as did my smart cat. We do not see their signs of distress for our own fear and concern (which they sense as well).

My friend, if you are ever faced with a voluntary or mandatory evacuation, be sure to include your pets in your plan. Pack a bag and include the following…

  • Extra leash
  • Muzzle (if you have one)
  • Dog waste bags
  • Travel water and food bowls
  • Dog food in a plastic storage bag to keep dry and fresh (enough for a week), including one bag per pet.
  • Water (enough for a week, per pet)
  • Any medication your pet takes
  • Anxiety medication your dog may have
  • Dog or pet treats
  • Pet first aid kit including triple antibiotic ointment in case of injuries
  • Their favorite toy/s to allow them security while they are dislocated
  • If they have a favorite chew bone, include that (the objective is the make them feel safe)
  • Dog boots (I know this sounds silly, but it will protect them from getting something lodged in their foot and you not know it if they did not respond immediately to it. With the boot, you can check their feet to see if anything penetrated the boot. We decided to purchase these to protect our dog’s recent foot surgery incision from being infected by dirty contaminated water and possible debris.
  • Pet crates to keep them safe and allow them to sleep in a safe environment. Be sure to pack a towel or blanket from home to line it with so they have that as a form of comfort.
  • Note paper that includes your pet’s name/s (include their description if you have multiple pets), their age, if they are on medication, what are they on and when do they take it. Add your name with a phone number and address so if you get separated or you lose this bag and someone finds it, they know to be looking for your pet/s.

When you are evacuating be sure to call in advance of where you are going to be sure your family, friends, hotel, or shelter will accept pets. As I discovered during this storm, this is still a problem when being forced to evacuate with your animals. We discovered contrary to information put out, hotels still DO NOT have to allow pets.

Write your pet’s name, your name, and your phone number on your pet with a permanent marker. They may be chipped, but if the power goes out and the Internet is down, then pet shelters will not be able to read their chip information. This will assist in reuniting your pet back with you if they were to get away.

Lastly, I beg you to NEVER evacuate and leave your pets behind. If you are leaving your home because it is no longer safe for you, it is not safe for them. They are dependent on you to keep them safe, DO NOT FORGET THEM DURING A CRISIS.

Disclaimer, I was not solicited by Pet Smart to promote their product, but this is a local pet store we use in our area. You can shop Tractor Supply, Amazon, Petco, or any pet store you have access to for these supplies.
Anxiety, Exhausted, Journey, Life, Update, Weariness

The Rawness of Life


Let The Light Shine Through Your Darkness

I am sorry it has been several days since I last posted. There has been more than “a lot” going on in my family. I have been trying to nurse my dog back to health from his foot surgery. He is doing very well and I received the wonderful news that my baby boy is cancer free. There was nothing detected in the mass that was removed from his paw.

I have also been taking care of my husband who has been sick for over a month. I had him back in the emergency room all night Thursday night. He was finally diagnosed with a different diagnosis from what he has been diagnosed with all month. I held out hope that he would start to feel better until a Saturday night when he felt terrible and I thought we were heading back to the emergency room. Thankfully he did not, but all day yesterday I remained on pins and needles not knowing if we would be going back and as we go into today, I have no assurance we still will not be back. All I can do is pray he does not and his body begins to heal.

If this was not enough, there was worrying about my daughter who has struggled with a two-week migraine. When she went to bed last night she was so happy to be pain-free, that she wanted to enjoy it because when she woke up this morning, there was no guarantee she would remain pain-free. She also struggled with the pain of a sinus infection, which I am happy to report is gone as well. She is still inflamed, but for her, this is normal. We are just relieved to know the infection is gone.

I have been so consumed by all of this going on and the instability of my family’s health, that I lost my ability to provide encouraging and thought-provoking words to share here. I have been seriously struggling with forming any clarity of thought in order to even put any of my words together.

I am praying this week will bring some much-needed stability back into our lives and home and that I will find my clarity of thought to provide you with words of encouragement again.

I am going to leave you with this thought. Are you struggling with a difficult situation as well? It may not look anything like what I am going through, it may be something entirely different, but what matters the most is that you are not “alone” while you experience your difficulty. Please be assured that although I may be preoccupied with my own difficulties, that I am here if you need an ear to talk to. Feel free to leave a comment below and know I will see it. If you wish to keep your comment private, I can honor that wish in my end as well.

Please do not stay trapped in the darkness of your situation. I know from experience how lonely it is to be there. Talk to someone. Release your emotions before they consume you.

Lastly, Remember This Truth…

You are important, you are strong, and you are… enough.
Journey, Life, Update

Loving My Boy

Post Surgery Update from Shadow…

I have maxed out my morning awake time. I need a nap. (I didn’t sleep much last night, basically only from 4-6am). Mommy gave me a snack and my turkey meat (sssshhhh, don’t tell him his meds were hidden inside), and now I am sleepy.

I proved to Mommy though, I may not be with it, but let someone knock on that door and I can protect her with only 3 legs and a half drugged up head. It may take me 3.2 seconds instead of my normal 2.3 seconds to get to the door, but try me, I will run faster than you, if you try to hurt my people.

Mommy is happy with my post surgery progress. The vet called already checking on me and they agreed I am doing well for what I have been through.

My Daddy went to work so it is a quiet day with just my girls. They are giving me tons of love, lots of cuddles and I’m even allowing them to snuggle with me.

My guilty pleasure is when mommy brings a bowl of soft food. Oh, that is my favorite time of the day. She is even letting me eat when I don’t normally, like every couple of hours. A dog could get use to this kind of spoiling, but I am a tough boy, I will be back up and at it with my ball soon (ssshhh, don’t tell him, but the vet wants him to lay low for 7 days). We will take it one day at a time. And today is one where it is one hour at a time.

Life is good for me though. I am very loved. 🐾🖤🐾.

Anxiety, Comfort, Discouraged, Encouragement Today, Inspiration, Journey, Strength, Update, Weariness

Emotions On A Runaway Freight Train

Encouragement Today

As I sit here at the hospital waiting on my husband to have a procedure done again, I find myself feeling emotionally depleted.

My morning started out by having to force my baby boy (AKA, Shadow) to take his anxiety medicine so he could go to the vet for his surgery to have a mass removed from his paw. It broke my heart to leave him at the Veternarian Clinic. I feel like I have left my child at the hospital. I know he is in good hands, but the fact he was confused, anxious, and scared as well as this could be cancerous makes this appointment a little more scary and worrisome, He is only three years old and to think this is a possibility is something I do not want to fathom.

Once I left Shadow at the vet, I jumped back in my car to bring my husband to his hospital where we will find out if he will need surgery and will determine if he will even go home today or if he could possibly be admitted to this hospital.

I can tell you, this is too much to process emotionally in one morning. I am literally bouncing between worrying about them both as I sit here alone again.

I do not understand why our life is so out of control? What happened to life when it was all routined. My husband would get up and go to work every day. My daughter and I would work on her classes and would do anything else that popped into the day. We would meet back up at the end of the day, go to bed, and repeat.

What happened to life when it was predictable? Now I just hold my breath from day to day, feeling like I am waiting for the bottom to fall out on someone’s health issues.

I am praying we get some answers on my husband so he can hopefully regain his health and get back to his “normal” again. But until we find this out, I just sit here alone with my thoughts running out of control.

Now to pep talk us through some form of encouragement today. Do you find yourself in a similar situation where life just has you feeling like you are running around on a hamster wheel, feeling like you are not going anywhere? Please know you are not alone.

There are others who know what this feeling is and how dark it can feel. Please find a source or an outlet to open up and allow your run away emotions to be set free.

Before I started writing, I just wanted to go hide in a bathroom and just cry my heart out, but that was not an option, however, since I started writing I feel like I can breathe again. You need to do the same thing. You need to find what your source of comfort is.

Seek and search until you find it. Do not allow yourself to be consumed by all of your out of control circumstances. Your life is just as important as everyone else and you need to keep yourself healthy and fit both physically and emotionally. Do not allow yourself to fall into a pit of despair. Nothing in this life is worth that bondage.

Your reminder is this: You are important, you are uniquely special. Treat yourself accordingly!

Disclaimer, please excuse any grammatical errors this post may hold. I normally proofread on my computer, but since I am at the hospital, I may not catch all my errors.

Journey, Update

Simple Thoughts

Good morning,

Today is a big day for us. In a little while I will be taking my husband to an important doctor appointment and we will see where this colon problem will take him. Will he need another surgery or what is going on?

It is my deep desire to get my blog caught back up and to post daily, but with all that is going on I am finding it hard to find the time. It is also my desire to write and ponder more often as well as provide you with some of the things my daughter and I make. Unfortunately, with everything, it takes time, and that is my struggle right now.

I am doing the best I know how to do. I have people say, “not everything has to be done when you think it does,” so when I do not do something then I’m question why is that not done and so on. It is a no win situation. I can not get ahead.

I am hoping as we spend some time waiting today that I will be able to get caught up on my pages, but I will not promise, as that only gets me in trouble most of the time. It can only state I will try.

If you read this please keep my husband and his doctors in your prayers. We may or may not have to make some important decisions today. Pray me the questions I need to ask to help to gain understanding and assist in the decisions we may need to make.

Thank you for your understanding and the support in not giving up on me during my difficult times. I sincerely appreciate you all.


UPDATE… no answers today. He will have to do a colonoscopy next week to determine if his surgery site has gotten smaller. If it has, it will be a full blown open up surgery to fix it next time. 😪. If that shows everything is ok then he has to have a real CT scan since the one he had last week was not the right one for this problem. He also has to see his GI doctor as it appears there is another problem going on there that needs to be addressed as well.

So as I am updating this post to try to process all of this. I am still sitting here with no answers yet. We have to wait now for these tests to tell us something.

I am just really trying process all of this information while I am just feeling overwhelmed by it all. Fear is trying to take over, but I am trying to fight against it.