It has been a very busy week full of confused emotions which I’m trying to process while I am trying to keep the spirit of Christmas in my heart. However when the stress of every day life doesn’t know it should take a break during this joyful season, how do you remain cheerful, hopeful, and upbeat?
I had an extensive Christmas list of things to accomplish before yesterday came to a close in order to be ready for my daughter’s surgery Monday morning. I had to be done a week early because once her surgery is done, her mobility will be limited until her foot heals.
The emotional confusion came into play because of worrying over her. She found out she isn’t allowed to have any of her headache and migraine medications for her daily headaches and her chronic migraines. This is huge because these run her life and cause debilitating pain multiple times a week. She was encouraged by her doctor’s office to avoid her triggers with the hopes of avoiding this pain, but when we thought about what they would be we discovered how many daily things affect her. The environment both inside and outside affect her because of her allergies. The weather, which she has no control over. Fluorescent lights which are everywhere she works and in every store and these are just a few of her triggers.
Really people, how does she avoid these? I am finding myself in continual prayer over her head, praying for God to protect her from these headaches and migraines which we will not be able to treat should they arrive. We “have” to get her through Monday keeping all her pain, including her foot and sinus pain at a minimum.
Another struggle I came across this week was feeling guilty for worrying over my child because I learned of two more families who have been diagnosed with the ugly word, cancer. It breaks my heart what they are going through and then I found myself feeling guilty for worrying over my child because she doesn’t have anything as horrible as this. All I could think was who am I to be concerned over my child when we don’t have anything as big as this going on?
Now, I find myself trying to shift my momma discouraged heart from a state of worry to a different place, but I don’t know what this place looks like. When you are a parent you do not want to see your child in pain or sick, but when you start down the ugly road of comparison then your emotions become messy. I have done this which has cause confusion in my momma heart.
So how do I get out of this state of confusion? Am I the only mom to go through this?
I wish I had the answers to this question. I wish during my state of confusion God had revealed to me the course to which I get out of this, but He hasn’t revealed this to me yet.
As I pray over this and when God reveals the answer, I will post it and link it back to this post as well.
I am sorry to those people who are reading this hoping I have an answer for you as well but I don’t. I am writing today just to release some strong and confused emotions I have struggled with this week.
To those families who are struggling with this ugly disease please know my heart and prayers are going out to you and your family because it genuinely breaks my heart for the pain, both physically and emotionally you are going through. I know the pain is real and raw because my dad had it as well.
In writing this post, I am trying carefully to not diminish what you are going through. I decided to write this difficult post because my heart is breaking so deeply because of what you are going through. It has caused me to rethink how I feel about all my daughter has gone through over the past three years and is still going through. As a result it has caused confusion in my heart which I am trying to process now.
It is my prayer God will show me a solution to this confusion so I can write a follow up to this post to share with all of you who are experiencing this same struggle. I am going to close with a… to be continued closing.
Hugs to you who have family members struggling with the ugliness of cancer. Hold your head up high knowing God is holding each one of you in His arms.
Lastly, hugs to those of you who also have family members who are struggling with painful sicknesses or severe injuries as well.
The pain of emotional love is real for those who have loved ones in health battles.
Many hugs to each and everyone of you.